some days...

Friday evening I headed to the office after finishing work at 6.30. I call it the office, because it's a room I'm allowed to use in my dad's office, but I guess it's more of a studio. I keep all of my sewing stuff there, and it's where I work on Murmur. Well, on friday I sewed up a muslin for a skirt I'm working on, to see if the pattern needs tweaking. It turned out it needs a lot of tweaking, I'm probably better off re-doing it. And after spending the week working on that pattern (a variation of a pattern I've been working on for a lot longer) in between everything else I have to do, and spending the week before that trying to work out the pattern to a dress design that seems to be impossible, it was like a punch in the face. Two weeks, and I haven't gotten any further. And no letter from art school yet. And the pillow DIY I wanted to post today isn't finished yet, because I can't find a big, fabric covered button.

After 2 months of motivation, getting things done and feeling good about the future, I've swung back the other way around. This happens to me alot, sudden mood swings. I want to make things, but I don't know where to start. I feel discouraged and overwhelmed. Even if I do finally get the patterns right, who's going to want the stuff I make? Who is going to want to buy and wear it? Because fabric and notions aren't cheap here. And I don't want to use the cheap stuff! Does anyone still care about stuff like fine quality fabrics?

I think I need to take a break from working on the Gossamer patterns. They are more complicated than what I've done so far, so I'm going to try not to be frustrated with myself.  I'm going to clean my room, and clean out my closet (because the amount of clothes I have is overwhelming, I always wear the same stuff because I haven't put together outfits in so long!), throw away lots of stuff, I'm going to cook full meals for myself instead of living off chai lattes at odd hours, and I'm going to read a book. Because I'm happy to live in a room drowning in clothes and empty plates, and live off starbucks and burger king and wear the same clothes every day, and not have time for reading or friends - but only if I feel it's worth it, that it's getting me closer to what I want.

And when I feel like it, I'll sew something for me.

This song by The Lumineers has helped make me feel better!